Monday, February 13, 2012

Goodbye, Mr. Fox


On Saturday morning, I unexpectedly lost one of the dearest and sweetest parts of my life - my cat Fox.

This is a pretty long post with a lot of pictures, so the rest of it is after the jump...



He was perfectly fine when I went to bed on Friday. He was only six years old and hadn't been acting any differently than normal. But I was awakened by his struggling meows as he lay on my bedroom floor, and by the time I got up and turned on the light he was gone. It seemed like a heart attack. I was shell-shocked and there is no obvious explanation.

I grew up on a farm and have seen plenty of animals die, but I have never been more utterly devastated by the loss of an animal. Fox was so special. I know everybody thinks that about their pets, but with him it's totally true. He radiated pure, blissful joy in the most transparent way.


He was the most expressive cat I've ever owned. And I never once saw him show a sign of any kind of negative emotion. I would have trusted him not to bite or scratch even with the roughest toddler. While most cats hide from strangers, Fox was always right in the middle of the action when people came over. He ran to the door meowing every time I came home, even if he was in the middle of a nap.


He was my buddy, and whenever I was home he was always glued to my side.


I didn't even want Fox originally - I went to an animal shelter with the intention of picking out one fat fluffy kitten, but Fox put on such a show in his cage that my boyfriend at the time convinced me to take him too.


It was one of the best decisions I ever made.


Fox and Hootie grew up together in the apartment I've lived in for the last six years. Their names were what I used for my original etsy shop, fox&hootie.


Fox always had something to say. You could talk to him forever and he would continue to meow back. 


Whenever I talked on the phone he appeared under me, meowing incessantly. He assumed I was talking to him.


He tolerated almost anything. He would let me dress him up in ridiculous costumes...


...and never complained.


In fact, he usually ended up purring.


He let me take him in to work a few times and was totally fine with hanging out in an office for 12 hours.


He split his time between making the rounds to meet everyone and being totally blissed out in the chair next to mine.


He loved pillows and squishy blankets...


...as much as I do. 


He liked sleeping with his head on the pillow. Cause duh, that's what humans do.


He always involved himself in whatever I was doing.


In fact, he was always so close to me that he would often end up photobombing my blog and etsy pictures.


Sometimes to get pictures done I would have to shut him in the bathroom for a few moments just to keep him away. Otherwise there would be an orange head or a white paw in all the pictures.


Silly Fox.


Now I wish I had let him photobomb all the pictures he wanted.


Because now I could never have enough pictures of that dear sweet kitty.


Even a blurry orange tail is something I want to see and hold on to.


Though it was cut very short, Fox had a happy and exciting life. He got to visit my parent's house in Ohio, and while he was there he hunted and caught a real live mouse. Just like a real kitty!


Hootie was not quite as enthused about the whole thing.


I know some people don't think that animals feel love, it's just an expression of interest because we feed them and keep them safe.


 But I know that Fox loved me. I know it. And I loved him with all my heart.


The French poet and author Anatole France said, 'Until one has loved an animal, part of one's soul remains unawakened.' That part of my soul feels crushed.

This is one of the last pictures I took of Fox, not knowing that in less than twelve hours he would be gone forever. I wish I could kiss his little forehead one more time. Goodbye, Mr. Fox. You were the best kitty a girl could ask for, and I will love you forever.

31 comments:

  1. Awww. I'm so sorry :( Rest in peace, Fox.
    xoxox

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  2. Oh no, I'm so sad for you too. Fox seemed like he was a great buddy to have around. I know animals can love, and not just because you feed them, and it looks like Fox loved you right back.

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  3. I'm sorry. It's hard to lose a beloved pet.

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  4. Jesus, that made me weep. I'm so very sorry for your loss but also happy for you that you got to exist with this guy.

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  5. I am so sorry to hear about Mr. Fox. I also loss my kitty of 12 years this past October and understand how you are feeling. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. Once again, so sorry.

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  6. I am so sorry for your loss. I too believe that our animals love us. You gave your cat so much love, how could he not love you back?

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  7. Now that was a tear jerker. It's always sad to hear about losing a loved one, pets are no different. Your Fox loved you, and still loves you. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  8. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. I lost my furry best friend who was very dear to me last December. It's the worst. I enjoyed your pictures though, he was a very expressive kitty and all I can think when I remember my cat is that I was lucky enough to have him in my life for the time I did.

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  9. I loved looking at all the photos of your Fox. Reminds me that I should take even more of my special kitty friends.
    Anyone who thinks a cat can't love you back has obviously never been worthy of a cats love. They show it so very clearly.
    I shed some tears for you & your little buddy...Rest in peace Fox.

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  10. Aww, I'm so sorry to hear of your lost! I'm right there with the other comments; I lost my kitty of 19 years just over a year ago, January 7th. He also died in the night and we said our goodbyes during his last moments. I'm so sorry it was so sudden; I think those losses are one of the hardest to bear. Hugs & love to you & Hootie on your loss :(

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  11. I am so sorry for your loss! I'm in tears at my desk at work!! Kisses and hugs!! xoxo Debbie @ inspired honey bee

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  12. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know what it's like and I know how devastatingly heartbreaking it is. You were both very blessed to have been each others life. You have many beautiful memories together, think of those often and they'll get you through. xoxo

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  13. thanks for all your comments everyone! they all mean a lot to me.

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  14. It's pretty obvious from just these photos that he knew how much you loved him too.

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  15. Oh, this just breaks my heart. My orange kitty, Finnegan, is the sweetest purring bundle of love that puts a smile on my face every morning and evening. I can't even bring myself to think about a day without him in my life and my heart goes out to you for being in that awful place. Cherish your memories, it will get better with time.

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  16. He was such a cutie! I am so sorry to hear about you loss, especially being so unexpected.

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  17. I am so sorry about your loss. Pets in my family have always been just as much a member of the family as my brother and I. Your description of Fox sounds a lot like the cat I have now, and I can’t even image what it would be like losing him so unexpectedly. They are wonderful, loving companions and there is never a good time for them to leave us. I hope you are doing ok, just from the pictures I can tell he had a wonderful, very full life and that is all anyone can ask for.

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  18. You could be describing my Stan Lee. He even looked like your Fox all the way down to the little patch of orange to the side of his nose. Stan Lee has been gone 4 years and I think he about him almost daily. Even with our new cat who has been with us just 2 years, I constantly compare her to Stan (not to her face, that would be rude) there is just something so special about big old marmalade Tom cats. The space in your heart will always be there for him, but the aching will subside. So sorry for your loss.

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  19. A Beautiful and Moving Rembrance . I knew Fox and he did have an almost surreal way of being totally transparent in his being. Just don't tell him he was a cat! Such wonderful comments and condolences from everyone.

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  20. Awww, this is so sweet. I'm so sorry for you. I, too, believe that animals do love you, if they feel your love for them, they express it back as more than just 'interest.' He sounds so sweet and I'm so sorry he passed so suddenly. Thinking of you!

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  21. thank you everyone again for your kind words!

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  22. I'm so sorry. Your post touched me in such a profound way. I know exactly what you mean when you say he was best decision you made. I love Krikkit (my kitty) and he has been the best decision I've made. I'm happy that you both had a chance to know and love each other.

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  23. Oh, Devon, I'm so sorry! Just read this now, and it brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine loosing one of my kitties so suddenly like that (and he was so young!).
    One of my favorite quotations says: "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." - Thomas Campbell. I hope that adds a little comfort to this difficult time.

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  24. Devon, this brought me on the verge of tears. I lost my kitties I had for 15 years a couple years ago, and it is one of the toughest things to go through. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss... animals do have a way of twisting our hearts around those furry little paws, don't they? While it hurts so badly when they are gone, but I do believe that they never really leave us... sweet little pawprints of love are written eternally on our hearts. I wish all the best for you and hope that your loss will be eased by the memories of all the joy you brought one another.

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  26. Be strong girl!
    I cant stop crying at the office where i am now reading,
    big hug for you!! =)

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  27. Oh, this is so horrible :( What a tragedy. I cannot even imagine a world without my bunny. My heart aches for you. . . x

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  28. A beautiful tribute to your cat friend - sorry for your loss.

    Helen in Malden, MA

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  29. I know it's been more than a year (I just happened upon your blog today) but I am sad for your loss. As a kitty (and dog) lover myself and having lost 2 cats and 2 dogs in my lifetime to various incidences, I understand that quote and know what your loss feels like! I hope you are healing all right. Those are great pictures and memories you have!!

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